The Good I Could Not Withhold

There's a quiet lie many of us believe without realizing it: real faith never waivers. That if you truly believe, you will always be confident, secure and steady. Yet, that is not the reality. We have moments of uncertainty, we question God's plan, we lose sight of the goodness of God. Tuesday, February 3, both my son and husband told me they weren't feeling well. My son had a 102' fever. The low-level anxiety I was already carrying with me, began to build. Not this week I tell them. Of all weeks - please not this week!  For over three months, I had been awaiting this week with anticipation and so much uncertainty. Early Wednesday morning, before the sun came up, I was hitting the road for three days at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. The purpose: testing to see if I could qualify as a living kidney donor.  God had been planting kidney donation on my heart in unique ways for who knows just how long, but as the testing dates approached, I realized just how convicted and d...

It was an ordinary day - just like so many before it. Work. Endless emails. Managing a household. Raising three kids. The hundreds of small necessary tasks that need to be tackled each day. My mind raced as the memory of the kidney donation application resurfaced. The day prior, I had shared my desire to do a living kidney donation with my family. It’s not an everyday conversation where you tell your kids and husband, “So, I’ve been thinking. Thinking I’m hoping to donate an organ.” With uncertainty, I was not sure how they would take this news. But when I reflect back on these conversations, why would I have expected anything less from those who know me best. Having tried to instill characteristics in my children of compassion and having a heart for others, their responses solidified their kind hearts. My oldest didn't hesitate, “Of course mom, this is totally something you would do! That’s cool - you should do it.” To my middle child’s confidence, “I’m not surprised at all. Of...

100,000 people 3-5 years 9 minutes 16 a day  These are the staggering facts that solidified the conviction of the heart. It was the moment the heart and mind became in unison on this journey. Over 100,000 people are on the wait list to receive a kidney donation. On average, people have to wait 3-5 years for a deceased donor. It can range upwards to 10 years for those with rare blood types. Every 9 minutes a new person is added to the kidney transplant waitlist. And the saddest fact of all, 16 people die daily waiting for a donation. Tragically, many others die daily that are not included in this number as they became too ill to stay on the transplant list. These are moms, dads, brothers, sisters, friends all with real lives, real stories, real families and all with a dream of having a future and a hope.  This data and the fact that a living donation is the quickest path and offers the best long term outcome for the recipient, is why my mind became fully committed. I was willin...

It started with a nudge - the kind that wasn't loud, dramatic, or even a very clear thought. This story was being written well before I even realized it. A small stirring. A little hint of an idea. A softening of the heart.  A handful of years ago, a co-worker was undertaking a leukemia diagnosis. "I'm going to need a bone marrow donation." The first bubble popped to the surface. A bone marrow donation - what does that entail? I could probably do that if his family isn't a match. A quick Goggle of bone marrow donation led to the door being opened to the idea of donating to help others. The first nudge. Fast forward. A few years go by and it was so small of a nudge that the memory is a clouded blur. A man needed a kidney donation and was seeking a donor. It was a name. A person. A life. Someone, somewhere, was waiting for a miracle. A whisper came, "Maybe you can provide what this man needs." The voice was that of an almost silent whisper yet so loud it w...